And Then… Barf

by in Mental Illness, Rant, Status Updates and tagged , , , , , , , ,

Score: +1.5

Today was an unintended step back. I felt like utter crap from the moment I woke up, but took my meds and drove to work anyway. Just after taking my first sip of coffee, I ran to the bathroom and proceeded to vomit what little contents there were in my stomach. I broke out in sweat and felt weak. My head was throbbing. I quickly decided that this was no condition to do my job, so I left, using my final paid holiday to keep my paycheck in order. 

I have been home fir a bit and I still don’t feel very good in my stomach. I had a little coffee, but it was only to keep the withdrawal headache away. I don’t know if I can do food today. Everything down there is churning and moving around. It does not feel good. 

I have two more days of work. I feel guilty because I have missed time again, and I told myself I would not do that. I will not fail on  Friday and Saturday. I have to be consistent. 

So, I generally feel like shit in my body, and my mental state is burdened by guilt. I have let myself down. I gave failed at being a stable working person. Albeit, some of it was out of my control. But I still take responsibility for this delinquency. 

15 thoughts on “And Then… Barf”

  1. I can understand the feeling guilty about not staying at work, but don’t be too hard on yourself. You are physically ill from unknown source that may or may not be food related, so that is a plus knowing it is not mentally related. Feel better soon

    • Thanks Sass. I’m definitely sick, as I have had the bad stomach unhappies all day so far. Amanda is getting me some broth and some Ramen for dinner, as I doubt I will be able to eat anything else. Comments appreciated as always.

      • Indeed. Though I think I just got poisoned. I woke up from a nap. I feel better. I went to my ex’s blog and she wrote some awful things about me. But what can I do? I tried being civil and compassionate. She’s just so hostile, and lives in this world where everyone fucked her over and she is the victim. It’s sad.

        I don’t really feel upset at all. But it is disheartening to some extent, to know someone out there has this crazy idea of who you are and they hate you for it.

      • It’s very sad that those people are stuck in that perpetual state on victim hood and they’re never in the wrong. I pity those people really.
        Glad you feel better. Stay away from Arby’s.

      • I agree. She is still so full of unresolved anger. She’s made life a lot harder than it has to be. I am sticking to broth tonight. Stomach is still not a happy place to be.

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