I realized today that I have it pretty good. My life is safe, stable and flourishing. Things aren’t perfect, but nothing ever really is, and we find ways to cope regardless. I talked to my psych doctor and I really didn’t have anything to report that was negative or abnormal. Ever since we added the Buspar, I have been largely symptom free. My life is full of responsibility and stress, but this is exactly what I expected. I’ve taken on a lot, and I have meaning as a result. I have earned a reputation for being a hard worker and a trustworthy person, and I feel good about who I have become. I have taken many steps back along the way, and I have done my best to learn from them. I still make mistakes, and I accept that I will without becoming enamored by frustration.
I’ve been cruising along nicely, but I have noticed that I have less overall energy than I used to have when my schedule allowed me to sleep in and wake up naturally. I think this is ok though. I’m more useful if I clock in earlier. I don’t need to stay up at night, I’m not the kind of person who waits until night to go out and do things anyway. I’m relatively boring but I don’t mind.
My parents returned to San Diego after being gone for 4 months, and that was nice. We had a little party and it was good fun. My birthday is coming up on Friday, and Amanda, Tristan and I are all going over to the RV for a party. It’s going to be fucking awesome. I just hope we can keep Tristan distracted enough for the duration. It’s the first time we have all been together.
Well, I’m feeling a tad drained from my cancellation weekend. I really never got refilled the whole time. I slept a lot, I just felt exhausted continuously. I have missed a few hours here this week so far, I just keep running out of fuel and I poop out a couple hours before my shift ends. My work is super flexible with my schedule so I have nothing to worry about. They really value what I do there. So everything is ok.
I Am glad I can come here and just process. I have felt too tired to sit down and write lately, but I will fall back into the habit again here soon. It’s not easy to write (for me) when things are gong good. It’s pretty boring, even for me to reiterate.