Forward Again

Score: +3

I realized today that I have it pretty good. My life is safe, stable and flourishing. Things aren’t perfect, but nothing ever really is, and we find ways to cope regardless. I talked to my psych doctor and I really didn’t have anything to report that was negative or abnormal. Ever since we added the Buspar, I have been largely symptom free. My life is full of responsibility and stress, but this is exactly what I expected. I’ve taken on a lot, and I have meaning as a result. I have earned a reputation for being a hard worker and a trustworthy person, and I feel good about who I have become. I have taken many steps back along the way, and I have done my best to learn from them. I still make mistakes, and I accept that I will without becoming enamored by frustration.

I’ve been cruising along nicely, but I have noticed that I have less overall energy than I used to have when my schedule allowed me to sleep in and wake up naturally. I think this is ok though. I’m more useful if I clock in earlier. I don’t need to stay up at night, I’m not the kind of person who waits until night to go out and do things anyway. I’m relatively boring but I don’t mind.

My parents returned to San Diego after being gone for 4 months, and that was nice. We had a little party and it was good fun. My birthday is coming up on Friday, and Amanda, Tristan and I are all going over to the RV for a party. It’s going to be fucking awesome. I just hope we can keep Tristan distracted enough for the duration. It’s the first time we have all been together.

Well, I’m feeling a tad drained from my cancellation weekend. I really never got refilled the whole time. I slept a lot, I just felt exhausted continuously. I have missed a few hours here this week so far, I just keep running out of fuel and I poop out a couple hours before my shift ends. My work is super flexible with my schedule so I have nothing to worry about. They really value what I do there. So everything is ok.

I Am glad I can come here and just process. I have felt too tired to sit down and write lately, but I will fall back into the habit again here soon. It’s not easy to write (for me) when things are gong good. It’s pretty boring, even for me to reiterate.

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12 thoughts on “Forward Again

  1. You aren’t boring. You’re FASCINATING!! :D I think we all are on the lack of energy bus. It’s super weird we are all cycling together. I don’t think that’s ever happened and been recorded has it?! Can’t wait to see your new rocks :)

    • Thanks Sass. As we transition to winter maybe we are all down-cycling together. I know my mood is affected by less sun. But not dramatically so. It is an odd coincidence that we are both out of energy.

      My mom’s rocks were awesome. Diverse collection, lots of excellent samples. We are going to fire up the tumblers soon and start the thirty day journey. Just waiting on the grit. I hope you will feel better soon from your energy low.

      • A lot of us are on the down swing-which is almost completely unheard of.
        Can’t wait to see what happens to the rocks in the tumblers!!
        I had a good day today, tomorrow might be a splat day. Seems to be my cycle. I know I need a med adjustment. Could be that I’m anxious to get my surgery completed and get past this shitty year. OH-got papers to file for divorce, a fee waiver, AND the number to the county Barr association for pro bono lawyers. Yeah, tomorrow is gonna be a splat day.

      • Yeah it’s pretty uncanny how synchronized we can be sometimes.

        The tumblers reshape the stones on an astounding level. They shed the weathered exterior and become clear and beautiful.

        I think it’s great you’re having surgery. You will heal now, not suffer ongoing pain forever. Glad to hear you are taking positive steps toward life resolutions. Things are improving! It just takes time.

      • Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking, into the future! lol
        Oh I can’t wait to see the finished products!!
        Yes I’m glad I’m having it too, even though I have to pay out of pocket then deal with the lawyer aspect-which was needed. One foot in front of the other. Apparently I have tenacity ☺️☺️☺️

      • Nice. Lyrics. Are you about to fly like an eagle?

        Yes, I will have final photos for you all. It will be epic.

        We all should have that mentality. One step is all we can manage sometimes. I agree, tenacity and sass.

      • Maybe. My lyrical brain just laughed at me and said “I’ll never tell!” Pfffbt. Asshole brain.
        Thanks My Friend. I told this person and my cousin I don’t know how to do anything BUT fight. Some days I need a rest, but I am still at it! 😊😊😊

      • We are contemplating Amanda going on permanent disability retirement. She is falling apart having to work in that shit hole. We just have to struggle through this and get to the other side. It’s going to be tough for us for a while. But like you said, we won’t stop fighting.

      • Get started now on the disability. Her sanity and stability are more important, and you are both wonderful for each other as support. Anytime you need to talk you know where to find me!
        Don’t stop! Believing! Hold on to the feeling! Street lights! People!!
        Yeah I’m on a lyrical roll-I’m slap happy exhausted. Night my friend {Hugs} to you all

      • Well we are about to go on quite a journey…

        Thanks. I may need to chat your ear off at some point. Things are still in the planning stage.

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