I’m feeling less enthusiastic about my job lately. Overall, I am overworked and underpaid. It seems that the dizzying effects of new employ have faded, and I am left with the stale fart of disappointment. I rarely receive appreciation for what I do. I am less interested in my life as the taste has grown bitter. I am beginning to slump.
Things outside of the work bubble are fine. I celebrated by 32nd birthday last Friday. My parents prepared a fish taco feast, and it was glorious. Amanda got a bad cold and could not bring herself and Tristan to the festivities. I made sure to pump her full of vitamin c for as long as necessary. Her condition has improved since.
I had my last session at the clinic with Margaret on Thursday. I will now be a paying client at her private practice. This is a good transition. I will also only be seeing her once a month. We had a thoughtful close-out session where we discussed all the improvements I’ve made. She was with me through my suicide attempt and all the Jax aftermath. Speaking of: it’s been a long time since I felt anything detrimental about my ex. I’ve got so many other things going on in my life right now. It’s come to the point where she just doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. Good or bad.
I’m still figuring out what I want to do with my life. I told Amanda today that I’m almost certain I don’t want to keep doing what I’m doing, and that I need to find a job that makes me happy. Thursday will be our 10 month anniversary. Things are feeling pretty solid. I really trust her, and I love her. It’s a different love. What we have wasn’t centered around physicality. I got into this with her because of who she is as a person, and about the kind of life we could build together. I care for her son, and I want to be his great friend. Things feel a thousand times less volatile and scary in this relationship as opposed to my others. Amanda is cool, contemplative and a rock by comparison to me.
All-in-all things are ok. My energy has been low for a few weeks. I’m still holding out hope that it will recover at some point. Anyway, have a good night.