Spent

Score: +1.5

Today I did not make it in to work. It was a struggle of astronomical proportions to get out of bed, and I could not do it. I emailed in and used some of my PTO to have a day. And it was just the thing I needed. I woke up naturally and felt well-rested. I had the energy to do some stuff around the apartment, and I went shopping and bought Amanda and I some dinner. I tried to make something of an otherwise lost episode. Things have been nice today. I feel relaxed and ready to unplug for a while. The weekends are wonderful, even if we don’t do much. I feel like I can just BE there with her. I’ve been watching so much football… poor Amanda is doing her best. She’s not repulsed by it, but there is not much she finds interesting about it just yet. That might change with time. Baseball, she admitted, she had begun to comprehend, which bodes well for her understanding football, in time. I have no expectations in this department, and I am fully willing to compromise in the event that she comes to dislike it. We have been together 9 months, but it feels like we have established a comfort-level routine that might have taken others longer to build. I find the maturity with how she handles adversity to be particularly astonishing, and admirable. She was feeling anxious the other day and actually told me: “If it gets too bad with my depression, I would understand if you had to leave me… I would be hurt, but I would understand.” I guess this is what the last guy did to her, at the most critical point in which he was needed, he chose to abandon her. This is a thing I absolutely could not do. I truly love her, and the man she inspires me to be, and I’m going to get through this time with her and come out the other side of it stronger, and better than before. There is no giving up, and there is no prerequisite. There is no timetable for completion, just consistent encouragement along the line of self-improvement. Some time a part of that struggle is becoming truly self-aware… fuck, it’s a lesson I’m still figuring out. So when my body said: you need a break bud, I took one. I’ve had time to reflect, and today I was motivated to do some helpful things around the house because I love my girlfriend Amanda and I want her to just concentrate on getting healthy, and leave the rest to me. I’m doing ok, and can handle taking on the extra weight. I’m proud to, as a matter of fact, because it gives you the freedom to be unencumbered by responsibility and heal. I’m doing the best I can to give her the best shot possible at regaining her footing. I’m there for her right now, and I’m glad to be. I hope you all have a good weekend.

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