Not Enough

Score: +2

Well, I made it the whole day, begrudgingly. I was butter on crunchy toast. Spread thin.

I can’t say my energy level has improved much, but some. My attitude was better, marginally. Overall, it was a teeny tiny step forward, or a step mostly to the side. I’m having these emotional responses to random feelings that come up through the day. Feelings of old love, long dead, from relationships that are little more than a memory. I was just talking about how I had been re-framing things, choosing my contexts. I have been remembering good times, which are now distinctly sad. I’m not sure why these thoughts are invading my active mind. Music has been a particularly bad trigger. Five or six songs that came on today genuinely made me feel something, strongly. I felt mourning for what was, snapshots from bygone times. It was like looking through pictures where the two of us were smiling.

I had a good night’s sleep though. I was soundly asleep most of the time and even awake around when I needed to be. in other words, I didn’t have to force myself out of bed like I usually to, I just got up and got ready. Right from there, I knew I was going to have a better day. I just thought it would have been more then it was.

It’s two days of being off, which means that if there is not significant improvement by day three, a trend may be forming. Trends are the enemy. They TREND downward, and rapidly. I am a little concerned, but I have had hiccups like this before. I’ve yet to go onto a third day since I started my new meds. But today was not even a step back, so it’s not even really a trend at all, and certainly not deteriorating, which would be a warning sign. Indicators suggest we are headed up from the Monday low-point and transitioning on to something better. I ate a good meal tonight, and I feel relaxed and ready to meet sleep. On off days, I go to bed earlier, I sleep longer, I give the brain magic a chance to work. Whatever it does, it usually rights the ship.

This toast is toasted.