Downward

Score: -1.5

I bailed out today. Just pretended to be sick and fucking left. I tried to get there, but I’m feeling absolutely rotten. I’m down, stomped between boots, crushed. I feel despondent, lost and anxious. I’m afraid of being ridiculed at work. I just couldn’t be there today. I wasn’t ready to get on the phones and take call after call. I have nothing left in the tank. I started on empty. 

I’m in my bed. Just laying here in the quiet. It’s been a disappointing day. I wish I could just let it go so that I could relax, but instead I’m just anxious. 

*****

I gave myself some time to settle down, and that helped. I’m winding down my evening with the people who matter most to me. Everything at work is going to be fine. No one cares what I do, or don’t do to a degree that would be harmful. I’m given plenty of leash. 

I think I will be fine. I know today was a big step back, but I already feel better than I did earlier this morning, and I continue to improve. I just need a chance to sit down and eat a good dinner. The cares and worries of the day are slowly melting away. Tomorrow I will be back for a full shift, and the same for Friday. Gotta hit my stride here and get out of this hole. Three days down is a warning sign. My flags are officially raised. Me, you have been put on notice. 

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