After therapy last night I really came to terms with my state. I am sliding down into depression, and the circumstances of my life and my responsibilities are crushing me flat. I can no longer hold my end up, and I am calling out for help. I’m feeling lost and isolated. I’ve never felt more disconnected from happiness.
Amanda has stepped up and taken on more responsibility as I just can’t keep doing all the things I was doing. I talked to my dad today and he doesn’t want to see me drag my life down trying to make things work the way they are. He’s scared I will crash and burn and force us all to start over again. I don’t think that’s where we are headed, because Amanda and I desire change. We don’t want to be down forever.
I’m out of gas. My enthusiasm has drained out of me through the open wound of unending sadness. The depression is beginning. I am going to see my doctor tomorrow and bounce some ideas off her. Maybe we can alter my medication temporarily to get me through this tough time.
I’m short on words because they’re all bunched up in my throat just stuck there. I can’t think clearly, and I’m volatile. I just hope that tomorrow is better, and my doctor can help me.