There’s no set timetable for how long my dad has left. He says he wants to see the total solar eclipse in 2017, and I admire his optimism. I don’t know what to expect of the future. Anything is possible at this point. I’m on temporary leave at work. They are all wishing me the best in this difficult time. I can’t focus on much but the conflict between sadness and sanity. Our whole family is coming together tonight for dinner and it is going to be fun. We are a good little family. It’s hard to imagine it without the patriarch. He was our rock. When he goes, who will hold us all together? Who will I talk football with all winter long. Who will I go to for a pep talk when life gets me down? I’m going to miss him so much. I fall apart thinking about life with him gone. But I must be strong. For my family, so that they will trust that I am a rock too. For myself, because I believe in who I am more strongly now by being tested with great suffering. I look back at you from behind tired eyes, sometimes lost in the darkness of an uncertain future.
It’s all so uncertain, the future so foggy that the constant questions of what if and when run through you until you’re exhausted. And its ok to have that happen. Memories are a wonderful and amazing thing, and you’re father still IS an amazing man. And you are to, helping your family cope. It is not easy, and you have a wonderful partner to help you. Hugs to you all, my friend.
Your words meant a lot. Thank you.
You’re so welcome