The Unknown Doom

Score: +2.5

I had my in-person interviews today, and not just one mind you, but three. Two in the office, one remotely. I interviewed for 2 hours and 45 minutes. That was on top of working a busy Monday morning at MM.

I am of two minds about the events that followed. I recognize that I excel at communication in both written and verbal formats. Today that skill was put to the test with an onslaught of deep and probing inquiries. I procured examples, I gave anecdotes, I answered question after question with elegance. I was practically completing this one guy’s sentences. I was able to correlate my background to what they do, and apply my own work experience to my value. I Impressed on multiple levels.

But I had a gaff where my entire brain shut down on me. I just started saying words and they were about to make no sense, and so I stopped myself and choked them back down, and changed the subject. I also lost track of the question the interviewer said as I was relaying a relevant story, I basically had to ask twice, which makes me look like a retard. So, I’m a retard AND brain dead. Two great things to make apparent during a life-changing bid at a new future. What I’ve done, is given someone else they interview to do better than I did. I am not going to hold off someone who does what I should have, and fucking nail it. At this point, I view my chances of advancing as small. This job pays what I’m looking for, and holds the key to new life. But I’ve failed by making two clear mistakes, and all someone has to do is make 1 or fewer, and they get the job, not me.

I don’t know which side to choose. They both have facts behind them, that’s what makes this difficult. If only there were some way to compromise the two interpretations without one destroying the other. I aught to sit here and take some time to ponder the two feelings I have about today, and just listen to them. There’s a lot going on right now in my mind, it’s like pancakes are flying around everywhere. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to be too deeply introspective. I’m in more of a mental shut-down. It’s been a very long day, I drove far away to get to the job and back, and I would have to every day for a long time, theoretically. There are so many things that would change. I don’t know if I’m happy, or scared. I’m not sure what’s going on at all, actually. Freefall. Eject!