I’m almost certain I didn’t get the job. In spite of this, I continue to look for another source of income. I am starting to become unhappy with the work. I take no joy from going, I just realize what effort I have to bring to make it all work. It’s a hefty burden for a person such as myself, but I have no choice right now. Everything is hinged upon my ability to do something different and get paid more.
I hate the pressure of it. The stress of looking and working, and juggling the chaos in between. I recently ran out of lithium, and I was dry for more than 2 days. Needless to say, It was a mess. I was having a lot of emotional instability, and bad thoughts. But then I got back on track a day or so ago. However, I took today for myself, for really no other reason than I didn’t want to go. If people there really cared, they would make me feel cared for. I’m barely hanging on, and one day soon I will let go. I was not meant to do this forever, it’s clear.
I feel like tonight I will rest, but I will be no more enthusiastic about Tuesday as I was this morning. I will go however, and subject myself to yet another day of endless struggle. There are always problems; it never stops.
I don’t have many words tonight. I’m frustrated, stuck and not advancing my goals. I’m mired and not going anywhere. I hope things change soon.
Depression seems to have alot of us in its stranglehold as of late. We do what we can, no longer what we must. Because what we must is no longer what we need.
I’m failing miserably. I’m out of touch with my characteristic enthusiasm and generally drained. I left work after a half day. Just couldn’t take it anymore. I’m hopeful I’ll have more in the tank tomorrow.
Alot of us are there… We can all only take it one day at a time. Positive vibes to you my friend
Thanks. I hope tomorrow is better.
You’re welcome. I hope it is for you as well