I’m almost certain I didn’t get the job. In spite of this, I continue to look for another source of income. I am starting to become unhappy with the work. I take no joy from going, I just realize what effort I have to bring to make it all work. It’s a hefty burden for a person such as myself, but I have no choice right now. Everything is hinged upon my ability to do something different and get paid more.
I hate the pressure of it. The stress of looking and working, and juggling the chaos in between. I recently ran out of lithium, and I was dry for more than 2 days. Needless to say, It was a mess. I was having a lot of emotional instability, and bad thoughts. But then I got back on track a day or so ago. However, I took today for myself, for really no other reason than I didn’t want to go. If people there really cared, they would make me feel cared for. I’m barely hanging on, and one day soon I will let go. I was not meant to do this forever, it’s clear.
I feel like tonight I will rest, but I will be no more enthusiastic about Tuesday as I was this morning. I will go however, and subject myself to yet another day of endless struggle. There are always problems; it never stops.
I don’t have many words tonight. I’m frustrated, stuck and not advancing my goals. I’m mired and not going anywhere. I hope things change soon.