Another miserable day fighting my negative voices. They won again, and I only worked a half-shift. I don’t know. I resent being there. I take little from what I do now. Stress and pressure have crushed me flat. Right now, I’m just trying to survive my life. This is clearly part of a downward swing. Events culminating in sadness to great to hold back. I’m not doing the best I can. I know I can do better.
I wish things were simpler, but they’re not. Everywhere I turn problems arise. The wold is in suspend and I’m slowing down progress. But how do you push with energy you don’t have? I’m STRUGGLING right now, and you ask for more? There’s no other way. It’s blitz or die.
I’m generally disappointed in myself. I’m falling behind, barely hanging on to what I have left. The dark feels like it’s all around me now. I don’t like where I am, and I must find a way to affect change. For now, I’m just hoping tomorrow I won’t give up on my day. I need to establish a good pattern. At this very moment I don’t see how I’m going to get there.