Amanda is going into the psych hospital tomorrow 8 am. Up to this point, no long term solution via meds and therapy has presented itself. Her psychiatrist recommended shock therapy, which Amanda has agreed to. She’ll be in there for a week, and I intend to spend every visiting hour I can with her. I’m glad and scared. I’m truly excited because I know a reboot will help her, and the change one undergoes in the hospital is usually profound. But also reserved because they are going to pass current through her brain. I dont know what the outcome of rolling the dice will be, but no need to confuse it for what it truly is. Risk. Worth having happiness for once? You betcha.
I’m really just focused on her right now. I don’t have much going on. I bring my thoughts back to lessons I learned from the failures of my recent past. In a situation like this, I need to be the partner to Amanda that Jax wasn’t for me. I know what it’s like to be let down by your partner at the lowest point. I could never do the same to Amanda. Not for someone I profess to love. I told myself that I would do whatever I could to support her, because I see who she is under the pain and depression. There’s a person there, waiting to reemerge. I want to help bring her back.
So I fight. We must lead by example as action is the currency of trust. I will not let her down.