Day 1

Score: +2

I was there as Amanda was admitted to the psychiatric hospital today, where she will get ECT. tomorrow morning at 9, in fact. I dropped her off and then came back later to see how she was doing. She said they were asking her a ton of questions, which was to be expected. 

I’m here alone tonight for the first night of seven. I already feel the echo of her there across from me on the couch. It’s like she’s sitting there even though she isn’t. I’m lonely. I miss her. Laughing with her, smoking a bowl with her, or watching some awesome show. My routine has been disturbed. My partner is gone. 

So the cats were all upset when I came home. And no mom all evening makes them unhappy. They won’t go into her spot on the couch. It’s like they still think she’s there. 

Well. My grandmother died of colon cancer today. My mom was pretty devastated. I came over with weed and cheered them right up. We watched slide shows and talked about this and that. I ate dinner, and I helped my mom some with her coping strategy. I told her to let the grief come, and be real with it. Don’t hide it away or hold it back. Just let it pass over and through. Hopefully that helps. Personally I have no emotional bond to my grandmother. I always held her accountable for what horrible things she had done and failed to change in her life. She hurt my family more times than I can remember. She never once apologized. So I never once cared what happened to her. 

Tomorrow will be better. I’ll get focused at work, and put my head down. The ne

4 thoughts on “Day 1

  1. Weed is an excellent way to deal with some of that sadness. Sorry to hear about your mother’s loss. It sounds like despite this not affecting you, it had an impact on her. :(

    • She’s way more emotional than I am, so tragedies are often exacerbated by her feelings. I try to help ground her in cognitive processes when I can. It has helped me, at least. And it was some bomb chronic. I roll on the top shelf.

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