I hung in there most of the day, but all I could think about was Amanda going through her treatment at 9. I left after noon and visited her. She was asleep, but happy to see me when she woke up. She said of her current state: it was “like a hangover from hell.” She also stated that there were no symptoms of short term memory loss. She wasn’t sore either. So all around things were good. I’m not sure how long they plan to keep her there. I think the longer the better. I mean that only because the hospital can change your life if you give it the time to. It can cause you to redefine your whole world view. So I want her to have enough time to allow that to happen. That, combined with treatments, could have really beneficial effects. This is my hope. I will accept whatever reality deals me.
I’m solo cleaning the apartment tomorrow. I want it to be perfect for when she comes back. Everything clean, animals fed, nothing for her to worry about. Just sit on that couch and relax in your home.
Cats are super upset. Especially Wednesday. She stares at where Amanda sat on the couch and whimpers. It’s pathetic. A keep telling her that I’m not all worked up, so mom’s not dead. She’s just not here. But she will be back. I have to console her with extra petting and attention to keep her from yammering on.
I am missing her on this Friday night. I’m all choked up as I write. My partner, who I love to party with, and laugh with on the eve of our weekend, is gone. She’s far away in a cold room alone and I miss her. I wish she was here. I’m trying to party it up without her, but I’m sad too.
Have a happy Friday blog.