…and today I broke down. I had a tough day at work, and I shelled out my $400 savings to both repair my truck and get it to pass smog. It needed to be done but FUCK. And I pinched a visit to Amanda between trips from work and repair shop. I got like 5 minutes with her, and it’s all my fault. I should have spent more time with her. I’m beating myself up about it, crying my eyes out. I was so consumed with my own stress that I didn’t see her. I didn’t get a chance to notice how well she was doing.
In fact, I stopped blogging and went back and saw her. Her roommate Carol was there too, and her family. I spent sone quality time with her. I explained about the cats going crazy and that I had video. Can’t bring my phone on the ward otherwise she’d have laughed her ass off. I saw her smiling and feeling good for the first time in a long time. I hope this change lasts. I’ve heard tell of it not. But then again, she has shown such promising signs. I just can’t wait to have her back so our lives can go back to some semblance of normal. I think she deserves to be happy. After all the fucked up shit she’s been through, it’s time. She wrote such sweet things on her blog about me. I know my presence there for her has helped her recover. She has someone to lean on, who has her back and won’t give up. The type of love I value is the one that comes with a promise: I will be there.
Well blog, it was a stressful day. A poopy day. I’m glad it is over. Amanda might be coming home as early as tomorrow. Or Friday. Or Saturday. We know nothing at this point. There is some fuss about this being covered by her insurance which has raised the possibility of early discharge. We will wait and see.
Have a good night.
Don’t beat yourself up too much about your truck and the first time you saw Amanda yesterday. You went back and spent time with her, really saw her, and that counts. It’s good to hear she’s doing better and she may be discharged early. Here’s to a better day today.
It’s a better day because Amanda came home. Work has been understanding of my need to be off early and such. Things are improving all around. Amanda genuinely feels better, and detached from the sadness she had been carrying. I do believe the sun is coming out from behind the clouds.
Yay! So happy to hear she’s home and work was accommodating so you could see her. Here’s to sunshine.