Less is More

Score: +2

Well I had an ok day today. My mood has been down, but sort of in the background. I have a good outward-facing persona, and a mastery of deception. But I still feel lower than normal. 

I did my mile on the elliptical. It was nice. I feel good having done it. I think tomorrow I’ll try a mile and a half. 

I am struggling and over self-medicating. I put a stop to it today. I have to be better about weed. I just tend to go apeshit and smoke it all. I need to space it out and make it last. Plus, I need to smoke less as I think it’s causing me to be kinda fuzzed out. 

I threw up this morning and had awesome diarrhea all day. I think I ate a bug. Now my guts are unhappy. I did fine the rest of the day. Sometimes I think my toothpaste is to blame, but I have no proof, only speculation. 

Amanda and I decided to be engaged as of our 2nd annerversary on January 15th. We are doing rings, and a ceremony to celebrate our commitment to each other. But we’re not getting married. We just want to be engaged forever. Pledged and bound by trust and love. A small gathering to celebrate it all. I am excited. I’ve had beautiful ceremony memories all stained and bitter with time and change. I don’t believe I will have the same problem again. I love her, and I know who she is. She needs time to break free of the shackles of her past and bloom into who she wants to be. I want to celebrate that journey with her. 

Blog, I’m trying to find my rhythm. It’s been a tough start to the week. 

6 thoughts on “Less is More

  1. Sounds like Monday repeated for you. Groundhogs day bs. You’ll get there, take it in stride like you do every day.
    I love that you and Amanda don’t need “marriage” to be committed to each other in every way. I think that as long as you guys know who you two are and love each other, that’s all that matters.
    You think maybe smoking has to do with your mood, as in you are kind of upset with yourself for having smoked it all already? Food for thought. Hope Amanda is doing well.

    • I will fall into pattern. Probably tomorrow. Hopefully anyway.

      Agreed. We do just want to be with each other. We need to be together so we can hold ourselves up with our combined strength. I want to pledge my unending support for her publicly.

      Nah, I just think too much is weighing me down. I’m not mad that I smoked it all, I’m relieved that I can take a break from it and let the steam out of the sauna. I just need time, and then moderation in order to gain the most from using it. This is my theory. Have a good night SassaFrass. Even though I know your secret real name. Muahaha.

      • Last week took a toll on you, so maybe now your body is adjusting? Who knows.
        Here’s to wonderful support to you both!
        Not a bad theory. Quite intriguing, actually. Will like to see how your theory plays out.
        Don’t ruin the super real secret name! I have an image to uphold, like Batman, without the anger and vigilante status.

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