Blog, this week is a toughie. I’m nearly half way there and feeling my energy fading away. I just found out today that they plan to give Amanda 20 treatments, not 12. 20? Fuck. I thought we were almost out of this phase to find out we’re not even 50% complete. Missing work taking Amanda to and from appointments is killing me. The stress of it is overwhelming.
I don’t have much to say. I’m struggling to hold it all together. I am trying to fulfill my responsibilities and also manage more responsibilities. I need a break, and I will get one after work tomorrow. You know, to have the bullets taken out of my pistol. Some relaxing break right?
Just get through tomorrow, and things will be easier. Try to rest peacefully.
I quit the ecig. Just got tired of it. Just to put things into perspective, that’s 3.6% nicotine, the strongest I can buy, cold turkey. Just put it in a drawer, closed it, and never thought once about taking it out for a hit. I’m done for now. This is how I get with tobacco products. I get all into it for a while, but then I get tired of it and drop it altogether for months or more, sometimes indefinitely. It’s been more than a year since I even wanted a cigarette. I’m fortunate to have the neurochemistry to handle that abrupt termination. Don’t know why, just always been that way.
I needed to vent some stress. I get crushed under it all sometimes. Cracked to collapsed. But I hope to push through regardless of circumstance or condition. I need to be strong right now, for Amanda, and for myself. This is a tough challenge… will I rise up to meet it?