I had a phone conversation with Amanda this afternoon while I was at work. We talked about our break up, and I completely crumbled thinking about losing my beautiful life with her and Tristan. I couldn’t handle notbseeing them again, and I swore that I would get myself right if only I could have another chance. I cried, and pleaded from a place of utmost desperate sincerity. She agreed that we did have a really good relationship up until a short time ago, and that it didn’t make sense to throw it out over my having lost the path. So we will go independently to get healthy, but stay together.
I’m feeling very positive about all this. I know that I have started down a road towards a healthier me. I have a meeting with my therapist here shortly, and I hope we can go over my rut and help me figure a way out of it. She’s good at providing guidance during the introspective process.
Day 1 of sobriety feels great. Really great. I was lost in a gray cloud for a while there, but now I am starting to see light peek through. In a few days I will be past withdrawal, but even that I don’t think will be a big deal. I was blinded, and I don’t want to go back to that. A change in this department is what I needed.
Today I struggled with emotions, hopes, fears… everything. I went through hell trying to make sense of what I had to do. It was imparative I figure out what shape I want my life to take now. I’m even considering creating another long-term project page, but we shall see. It’s not necessary. My motivation should come from within.
Have a good evening. Here’s to day one of my new life and attitude.