I know I just need to get myself right, and worry about the other stuff later. There’s nothing I can do right now about my relationship, as I need to be healthy in order to participate in it. Right now, I am still trying to rebuild confidence in myself and my direction. I’ve let my life come partially undone, and now I need to put it back together.
I am aware that these things take time. There is no miraculous overhaul in a day. I still don’t feel out of my rut, but I do know that things have changed. My perceptions and aspirations have gone a new direction, which is exactly what I needed. I can and will climb out of this hole and get right. Clear the fog, and start fresh.
My hope is that I can win Amanda back not with direct action, but with the strength and stability of a healthy man. I need to show her that I can do that.
Busy at work today, but my brain is just overflowing with thoughts. It’s a tough time for me. I need to be doing this for myself, but I miss Amanda and what we had.
Neurochemically Challenged 
i wish you the best of luck
Thanks very much, I just want her to know I’m fighting to get our lives back to where we were before I started sliding downhill.
That’s a highly commendable thing to do
I appreciate that, thanks.
In so many ways, I can feel you on this. I can’t pursue anything relationship-wise until I’m in a healthier state. At the same time, I really want to feel that kind of connection. It’s a tough place to be, especially in your case where you’ve got something to hope for.
I wish you well in all of this.
Thanks. We are going to spend some time trying to fix things, but the attention is still focused on self-improvement. I have to get better to love her fairly. Hopefully we have a productive exchange and things stop being so scary.
That’s the best way fixing things together can work, when you try and focus on fixing yourself. You can work on fixing things together all you want, but until you start working on yourself, you’re going to keep coming back to the same cycle. It’s great that you’re focusing on your own self-improvement!
I agree, and she is working on herself too. We don’t want to end things, but we need time to get right. We can flourish together once we are stable.
I can relate to this post so much, please understand that you are not alone. Good luck in your journey. I am following you so that i can keep up with your journey
Thank you! I just had a good conversation with her and we have generally worked things out. She agreed to try again, and not end things permanently. I’m relieved, but also aware of the work I must do to get healthy.
We have all been in this place of lacking within ourselves and needing to build from within before we can push out and create things with other people. Every single person has. Most just don’t see it and thus can’t act on it. Realizing is the first and most important step. Remember why you are making those changes. Not for Amanda, even though that may be the end goal, but for yourself. That is the ONLY way the good change becomes permanent habit. I wish you the best of luck. Although you don’t need it as you are clearly the type of person to see things for what they are and make the changes you want.
Thanks for the great comment. I initiated the change because the condition of my life had deteriorated and the shock of loss brought it into focus. I can say now that I have held true to my reform and redirected my life as a result. I struggle, but my goal remains to improve. Your words are appreciated.
That is all that one can do is to keep the goal in view and always strive for it. Keep up the good work my man.
Again, your feedback is appreciated, as well as the encouragement.