I know I just need to get myself right, and worry about the other stuff later. There’s nothing I can do right now about my relationship, as I need to be healthy in order to participate in it. Right now, I am still trying to rebuild confidence in myself and my direction. I’ve let my life come partially undone, and now I need to put it back together.
I am aware that these things take time. There is no miraculous overhaul in a day. I still don’t feel out of my rut, but I do know that things have changed. My perceptions and aspirations have gone a new direction, which is exactly what I needed. I can and will climb out of this hole and get right. Clear the fog, and start fresh.
My hope is that I can win Amanda back not with direct action, but with the strength and stability of a healthy man. I need to show her that I can do that.
Busy at work today, but my brain is just overflowing with thoughts. It’s a tough time for me. I need to be doing this for myself, but I miss Amanda and what we had.