It’s my lunch. Hi. I have been productive today, and feeling positive and upbeat. Margaret brought up some good points about how I had stopped being mindful up until a couple of days ago. This is a practice I am very familiar with and have benefited from extensively in my past. It is something I need to get back to doing. 

Introspection is going to be the key to my success as I try to correct the negative behaviors that have landed me in a depressed state. I need to be aware, and to slow my thoughts down to observe them before conducting action based on them. I can pay internal attention to my anxieties to have them be recognized, but not embraced. The attention they get from me is only enough to become aware of the presence of anxious thoughts, but not enough to for them to take flight and mess me up. I have also been coping with negative thoughts and feelings by exercising. I had to put that coping mechanism on hold until the soreness from my vasectomy dissipates. 

I’m really driven to better myself. I had let things get out of control, but now I feel my fists tightening around the reigns. I’m headed back to a place of not only functionally, but disciplined control of my mental state. When I don’t pay super close attention to my thoughts, everything goes to shit. Depression creeps back in unnoticed. I can’t let that happen again. I need to be vigilant. 

I am really excited to have the opportunity to get this right. I’m doing it because I want to be proud of myself again. I want to have strength and willpower. I need to earn those things back, and I will. 

All your likes and comments have been totally unexpected and hugely appreciated. I’m glad others feel like they can gain something from my journey. It’s just one mentally ill guy trying to live a life he can be confident in. If that jives with you, then welcome aboard.