I’m here winding down my day, and I’m facing some mental and physical challenges:
Physically, I have a wicked stomach bug that has caused me to shit straight liquid for days. I have cranked up the offensive by reducing my diet to broth, as even jello seemed to agitate it. So me and broth have become new, fast friends. And water. Don’t forget about water. We will all team up together and starve the bug until it is gone. It might take all weekend, but food is clearly not an option. Couple my menial diet with frequent exercise and a recipe for both exhaustion and weight loss takes shape. I have neglected my exercise while my vasectomy healed, but I can’t hold off on it any longer. It is crucial to my health that I exercise every day, and be proactive about losing weight. I’m obese, and I don’t want to be anymore.
On the mental front, I’m feeling a bit anxious and lonely. I need to cope with those feelings by recognizing them for what they are. Thoughts that are suppressed find ways of coming back, but thoughts that are noticed get satisfactory recognition and go away. So I’m here trying to give some attention to my anxious thoughts. It’s not indulging them, it’s more like placating. They are appeased, not denied. So I have been doing this for the last hour or more with some success. I have no physical anxiety symptoms but my thoughts are still spinning a bit.
But honestly, today was a resounding success. I held true to my game plan of accomplishing things and doing good mental health activities. I was alone for the bulk of that time, and did not perish or flounder. I did just fine. I was not looking to keep myself from being bored; I wanted to challenge myself to see how I would cope with not doing anything. I didn’t get over-anxious and have a panic attack. I also didn’t spiral down into depression. These are all excellent indicators of an improving mental state.
Back to physical: I’m also trying to stay awake. My sleep schedule is officially a fucknado. I’m consistently awake “for good” at 3 am, usually with two hours to go before work, and it’s even worse when I do it on the weekends. I’m SUPPOSED to sleep in? Why can I not do that? Maybe because I fall asleep when the fucking sun is still in the sky. Ridiculous. I can’t wait for daylight savings to be over. At least I would be somewhat closer to a natural circadian rhythm. For now, I have to push myself to stay up and I’ll be doing it without the assistance of coffee, as this is not acceptable for ingestion in my current state. A bummer, yes, but also a challenge… and I like challenges.
I’ll let you know later if I succeeded in postponing my bedtime.