Strap In

Score: +3

Back at it again today blog. Felt good to be at my seat and productive in a new way. I find I’m feeling better about work now that I have a more confident attitude. I got shit done, and I felt great about it. This is an improvement from feeling anxious and paranoid. My days alone practicing good attitude and disciplined mind seem to have paid off. 

I took Amanda to ECT today, number 13 of 15. She fared better than last time, where she couldn’t walk and we had to wheel her out to the parking lot. She was upbeat and eager to talk about all the shit that’s been going on with her ex. Though, I think she’s coming to a real understanding about it. She has not finished grieving, but at least now she’s coping. 

I gave a lot of energy today. I feel exhausted in my mind, and maybe because of all the work I put in over the long weekend. I owe myself a mile on the elliptical, and I will get that done here shortly. Stay true. 

I’m going to let cannabis back into my life, under extremely controlled circumstances. I have a schedule, and I stick to it. Period. There will be no deviation. In turn, my life will be better for it. I will learn valuable lessons on how to control my desires and how to respect boundaries. Plus, I will still get to use a prescribed treatment for Bipolar disorder that I had been abusing. It will be made useful again. 

Things are looking up. Thought it was all going to come crashing down on me but I managed to hold it all together somehow and preserve a chance to have a happy life again. Now all I need to do is hold course. 

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