Things have largely stabilized here on the home front. Amanda has nearly finished her ECT treatments and will soon be on her way to normalcy. She has also acquired a therapist who is helping her go through her traumas. Hopefully this is a healing process that she can be enthusiastically involved in. One note, her therapist did recommend that Amanda end her relationship with me in order to go on a proper quest to find herself. Arguably, she never really got the time after her divorce, so it makes sense that she should have it. I think she can still do that without breaking up with me. She can disappear to her mom’s or her sister’s house for a few weeks, enough time to clear from the inherent relationship pressure and just be herself. I fully support her quest to become a more self-aware and defined Amanda.
In my world, work has intensified, which brings in a lot of stress. Right now is a critical stage, and I’m doing my best to get it right. Not always succeeding is the hard part for me. But I have been upholding my end of the bargain: I have adhered to my regulation of cannabis without deviation, I have been exercising every day, and I have been meditating at night to cut through my nightly anxieties. So far, this has been working well for me. I feel more balanced, less detached in general. I am focusing better and my enthusiasm has started to come back. All in all, my stock is climbing.
Amanda and I are in this together. Whatever obstacle that needs to be overcome, we will push to do so. She will find her answers on her terms, and I need to be patient with that process. I’m here to support her.
I worry unnecessarily sometimes. Isn’t that the beauty of anxiety though? More practice for my meditation.
Have a good night.