Things are at another point of transition here in my current reality. Amanda has been advised to make some time to find herself and that will take her away from me for an indeterminate interval. I am both happy and sorrowful about this. Largely, I want her to go on this journey by herself and not feel my “presence” around her. What I mean by that is the conscious awareness that another person is there, a person linked by intimacy and friendship. That in an of itself is a burden on the mind, which has to spend extra energy dealing with this “other.” Amanda needs time to not have that presence there, and to concentrate solely on self-development. 

In some minor way I am sad that I will be without my friend and lover for a while. I know truly that it is for the best, but I wouldn’t be human if some part of me didn’t wish she could just stay with me. Maybe we could figure it out together? Meh. Unlikely. She really does need to be alone right now. 

Today is going fine. Busy time for me these days. Hopefully by mid next week I can stop and catch my breath. I just want things to finally fall back into a healthy pattern, for both of us.