Bigtime 

Score: +4.5

My boss from Austin, TX came in today, along with the mega boss of all bosses, the head of the entire customer support department. Gasp!

Today, I was truly a part of the management team. I was in meetings nearly all day, trading observations for feedback. I’ve never been in the closed-door room before; it was both humbling and exhilarating. I really did feel like I was a part of the team that will decide how we do business going forward, and I know my contributions made a difference. 

I feel uplifted and suddenly very relevant. My hard work has indeed paid off. 

But also, my personal life is going very well. Amanda has really done a lot of expanding her social sphere. She joined a mental health forum as well as several other sites and groups. She even found someone local. It has been a largely rewarding experience. However, there was one user who attached himself to Amanda right from the get go on the message board. He almost reminds me of a significantly more desperate me of, say, five years ago. But he’s taken it to the next level. His incessant pleas for intimacy got so bad it actually drove Amanda off the forum altogether. Also, let me be clear, she explicitly expressed her relationship status and intentions as committed and benign. Nevertheless, he’s telling her how she lights up his life, she makes him smile and other such inconsiderately applied fondnesses. I get how people who are really depressed can be like this, but being unwilling to listen after being deterred is a conscious choice, not a symptom. I pity him, but vaguely understand. My relationship with Jax started in a slightly similar fashion; born of depression and loneliness. So there’s your evidence that relationships forged from the fires of sadness rarely, if ever, work out. 

I’m doing much better managing my boundaries lately. I’ve found it easier the further I get from the time when I was not disciplined. Each day, the fog clears a bit. I feel confident in my direction going forward. I know it’s working; it has already made a significant difference. Genuinely, I’m glad I did this to myself. I have garnered success and confidence. 

Well, I still owe myself a mile on the elliptical. And then, to bed. Unlike most of you weirdos, I can drink coffee and exercise AND still hit my bedtime right on the button. So goodnight for now; more to come from the inner-circle tomorrow. 

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