Crushed Into Dust

Score: +2

I’m moving in with my parents (by their insistence) Friday. Smash.  The plan is, to save money while I look for a place to live on my own. Then I am to re establish myself while not losing my relationship (hopefully). Amanda needs this time too, in an attempt to try and find her own independence and self-reliance. Overall, I’m shaken by the trauma this will bring to my life. I don’t know what to expect from the future in a way that frightens me. Usually I have a path that I am following, but now, my road is fraught with peril. I will have to remain strong through this time. 

I’m scared my relationship will die in this process, but that won’t be because I give up on her. I won’t. I will stay committed to her throughout this trial. Hopefully we come out the other side of this more resillient than before. I don’t know what’s going to happen though. 

Amanda is going to force herself to go back to work. She hates it there, and gets sick not long after she returns from absence. Usually within a few weeks. She wants to work part-time to avoid said burnout. Again, a lot is up in the air. She would need to continue to push for disability but try to make as much money as possible leading up to that. I want her to be able to be at home, creating, pondering life, and making new memories into a future full of hope. Disability could grant her that. It could set her free, and finally allow her to heal. But much remains unwritten. 

So there you have it. Total life shake-up. Road uncertain. Trudging forward. Sigh. Gasp.