Waking Up Is A Bitch

Score: +2.5

Boy was it hard to get going today. I think it is fortuitous that my cannabis supply would be running out as well now, since I believe it contributes to the sluggishness. I will experiment with sobriety and see if my mornings improve. 

Overall though, I’m more than half way done with training and things are looking good. My guys are really getting the material and I think they are showing signs of unexpected excellence. I’m proud of how far they’ve come. They’re just a couple weeks away from taking live calls. I’m feeling the strain of the taxing schedule I’m on. No breaks, no downtime, all work for 9 hours a day, five days a week for four weeks. My voice has held up remarkably well considering I was thinking it would have been toast by now. I’m happy to not have that be an issue. 

I must tell you that I watched the second to last episode of Mars, and I was a bit shaken by the ending. **SPOILER ALERT** I can’t imagine a more horrible way to die than to die of exposure to the Martian atmosphere. Probably right up there with being exposed to the vacuum of outer space. Truly horrific. Seven people die as the airlock is intentionally blown out. I don’t know how the program can recover, but they must if the dream of Mars is to be kept alive. I would very much hope in my lifetime to see people standing on the surface of another planet. What a monumental moment for our civilization. Now, no one extinction event can end human life forever. Our survival as a species hinges on our ability to become interstellar. If it’s not a priority now it will be when Earth starts to become unusable (as we seem so intent on doing). Enough Mars rant. 

I’m doing ok. Amanda is now contemplating going back to work. Frankly, unless she wants to be homeless, she has no choice. The money from disability is a long ways off yet. So she needs to start earning an income to gain control. I do believe she is only working temporarily until her disability is active. 

Also, we met a doctor from the local TMS facility where they use electromagnetic fields to cause stimulation to very specific areas of the brain to create activity where there was none. Eventually, the brain learns to generate the activity on its own, resulting in permanent change. It’s everything ECT promised to be without the anesthesia, seizures and brain damage. I think this is our best shot at finding her a permanent solution to her depression. One that is clinically tested and proven. She’s skeptical. I don’t blame her though. We’ve heard promises before. 

But she and I are still together. We are strong. She comes over weekly and we talk every day. Repeatedly. We still have a good bond despite all this monkey shit. 

Well I’m off to bed. Have a good night. 

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