In Passage

None of us know when the next calamity will strike, and we also can’t go on living in its shadow. Anxiety creates the shackles that bind reason to suspicion. Thoughts reenforcing themselves in a downward turning spiral. Soon, there is no escaping it, leaving you only to dwell in the paranoid delusion you have been instrumental in helping to create. I personally do not desire to fall back into the pit, so I do everything I can to build positives in those situations instead of feeding the cycle. Like right now for instance, when I feel anxious about some things. I am aware of the weight of my thoughts pushing down on me, almost pleading with me to indulge them. I know this is folly, and I do the best I can. It’s fucking hard though. 

I take myself back to center. Who am I? What do I have to feel proud of? What do I believe in? If I can answer some core questions, then I’ve realized cognitively which occupation is more worthwhile. Torturing myself with scenario after scenario is not rewarding. Focusing on the positive things that make me who I am, yes, significantly better subject matter. It’s hard work, but doable. As I write this, I have successfully implemented that practice and feel at ease enough to go to sleep. Which is exactly what I’m going to do. Goodnight. 

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