After a short attempt at togetherness in person, my affiliation with Carly is again over, and pretty much for the same reason as the first time. I’m swooning, and she’s still mourning, and those two things don’t blend, apparently. Some lucky guy is going to find her when she wants a relationship and she will be off living my dream with someone else in not too long. It’s fucking torture when I feel so strongly about her, and she doesn’t have the same interest in me. I’m frustrated blog. I thought I had found someone I could build around, but she won’t have me. 

Right now I’m crying. I just had one of the best evenings I’ve had in a while, and it ended with me never talking to her again. I am lost. I was feeling so good, and now I am alone again. I’m crushed blog. All my happy feelings are gone and I feel a great emptiness inside me that was once full of life and color. She was something special blog, and I treasured her. 

I’m supposed to be asleep but I’m too sad to sleep. It was right there, at the tips of my fingers, and then it was ripped away from me. I don’t know what else to say. There’s not much to say in moments like this. When all the shattered bits of the beautiful thing I had lay all about me on the floor. I just wish she could have seen something in me worth keeping. Nothing I had to give was bigger than her sadness over her ex. Nothing I said made a difference. I’m out. I’m gone. I’m through with this shit.