I know you’re getting tired of hearing this, but I have started talking to someone new. Sigh. I know. What, are you doing now?
I didn’t start it really. More than two weeks ago she emailed me back after I asked her where she rode her motorcycle. I had told her of my trips to the desert, but after that, things stopped. I heard nothing until she was “interested” in me on Match today. At first I was like, “no, she made a mistake and accidentally clicked on me” because she had already ignored me once. On a whim I fired off a message asking why she had been “interested” me if she had ignored me before. And that was the catalyst, beginning a back and forth that transcended the chat service provided by Match to text and continued on into the day. We have been slowly conversing ever since, and things are unfolding in a dramatically different fashion than they did a few weeks ago.
The pace is less intense, which has calmed my approach. She is also a very different person than Carly was. Carly was more warm and effusive, Kendra is reserved and cautious and with good reason. I have been very clear in the past that things that do not concern me don’t equate into my evaluation of whether or not to be with someone. Things that matter consist of personality traits, motivation, attitude and curiosity. As my favorite examples. Things that do not matter such as weight, hair color, disabilities and or diseases.
I’m done fucking around at this point. If I don’t find “the one” then I’m going to stop looking and live my life alone. I think that might be best for my mental health. I said I’d give Match 6 months, and it broke my heart once already and may be doing it to me a gain for all I know. Kendra seems really neat, clever, and spunky. She’s direct and piercing as well as honest. She’s 26… 7 years difference between us. That’s how far apart my first wife Jen and I were when we got together, I was 23 and she was 30. I don’t know what that means. Maybe it means nothing since we are two totally different people in a new unique situation. Maybe it’s a good thing and will help us because of my love veteran status and my aged wisdom. She seems really down to earth and logical though.
To be honest blog, it’s good to be talking to someone again, someone who is interested in me. But I’m still reeling having been crying my eyes out this morning. I’m still feeling hurt, but at the same time, this new interest with Kendra is taking attention away from dwelling on my sad feelings. These new feelings feel much better. What would I rather spend my attention on, something new and exciting, or something cold and dead? I’m in charge of what my mind concentrates itself on, and I choose finding my love.
Check out this totally ironic post that just showed up in my recommendations. So relevant.