Strain

Tonight was a mixed bag blog. I continue to forge ahead with Kendra, but progress is incremental. I am probing her for information about how she feels but she is shut tight. My emotions are present, and hers are not. She may have them, but she is keeping them hidden from me (for the most part). 

I don’t think this is a perfect match. She’s really great, but so far hasn’t shown much interest in getting involved with my passions and hobbies, while I am bending over backwards to be in hers. I don’t do well when my partners don’t show interest in me the way I am. Albeit, this relationship is only 11 days old, I might have my expectations set too high. 

However, now there is tension between us as my feelings are not welcome yet and she has taken a step back from me. I find this is not a healthy response to what I am going through. I would appreciate sympathy and understanding rather than argumentation. Blog, to be honest, I don’t think this is going to work if she doesn’t show some sign of interest in me. I will disconnect if I feel I’m not going to end up in a stable and happy environment. I can’t waste my time investing in a reality that will not cause me to stay healthy. I’ve done this before, and it is a failure every time if I don’t get certain things from my partner. 

I’m not condemning the budding relationship at this point, but the signs don’t look good to me. Something may change in the next few days but I’m concerned. I have every right to be as well, considering some very critical aspects of my life are on the line. 

It might be time to transition again soon; the divide is between going down toe road together or going down the road by myself. I don’t have any clue where things are headed, and that’s the part that gives me anxiety. Uncertainty and me do not get along well. 

Here’s hoping for the best. 

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