Crumble

Well my emotions are finally catching up to me blog. I’m stricken by the though of Kendra alone and abandoned in the world. I really liked many things about her, and I mourn the loss of those things. Her assertive attitude and social ambition. I liked her dedication to the things she loved, and her positive outlook. Now I’m here in tears remembering all the reasons I got with her, and how all of that was undone by a greater sum of ugliness.

I had hope, and that hope is dead. It’s hard to have something like that die inside you. The echo and ache of it remains long after the event has passed. I have moved my life forward several steps, but my pain is still there. We had sex blog, and that’s a big deal for me to be close to someone like that and then have to cut them loose. I get attached with sex, and she was really not that way. I had only been with 7 women, and she had been with close to 40 different guys. Mentality difference.

My feelings went unacknowledged and ultimately rejected. I know I made the right choice but I still hurt because I did care for her, and I did want to be with her and be a part of her adventurous life. I must now let these things go. I must release her from my heart because there is no going back.

So George Michael – Older really pushed me over the edge. Fastlove, Spin The Wheel and others delivered gut blow after gut blow until I was in tears. The ache of loss is never any easier no matter how many times it has happened.

Well I’m feeling a bit better. I still stand by my logic, but my emotions play their own game by their own rules. I have to allow time for them to be realized fully, not ignored or partitioned.

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