Sometimes you just need a boost in the right direction, and you can’t always count on the outside world to provide it to you. Arguably, those external affirmations are somewhat less valuable since that are not procured internally, but the variety that implies self-confidence are still very important.

Today, for example, I am here on my couch getting ready for work and thinking to myself: “today is going to be a good day because I am in a good place in my life right now.” I also believe that I am a strong man who is vital and beautiful (not in a physical sense), and deserves to be appreciated and adored. I also believe I am kind, loving and genuine. I have some really truly outstanding qualities that can be appreciated by the right person.

I know I am headed in the right direction. I am taking full control of my life and my fate, and I will decide how this story goes. Granted, there are factors beyond my control at many different points along the way, but the things I can do something about I will, in order to better myself and build my confidence as I walk through the world. I am being personally responsible and dedicated to the cause of improving my self worth (which is a huge task for someone who suffers from bipolar depression).

Do I know what’s coming? No fucking way. What I can do, however, Is walk into the future bravely and with the assurances I have provided myself affirming my positive outlook on the uncertainty that has yet to unfold. I’ll make the most out of whatever hand is dealt to me, you can count on that. Just as I have done in the past, and as recently as my falling out with Kendra, I am absorbing the positive message in calamity and embracing the lesson it has to teach me. I’d be a fool to throw everything away, because the moral of failure is how to not fail again the same way, and how to improve as a person going forward from the point of destruction.

Affirmations are important, especially when they come from someone you trust (like yourself). It’s nice to get them externally, but that can’t be counted on. Most people don’t share their feelings the way I do, so expecting an equal exchange is a tad far-fetched. Carly is very open, but I know she is also a far more cautious and timid person than I am, yet the ingredients for superb communications are all there. We already have a high level discourse, but haven’t made the trust leap just yet. Affirmations from Carly are significant as well, but still not as powerful yet as the ones I derive for myself… and really, shouldn’t that ALWAYS be the case? You can’t count on people from the outside to build you up; the construction of self-confidence comes from within. External is garnish, the meat is a self-driven rise of belief that one can be proud of who they are regardless of what they have been through.

It’s a relevant topic, and something that has been on my mind ever since Kendra. I do believe I am headed in a significantly more positive direction than I was a few days ago.

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