Listing Starboard

It has been a rough couple of days blog. My physical self is in torment right now, with vomiting, liquid stool, huge issues thermoregulating and fatigue. I left work early today because I was shivering under the air conditioner vent above my desk, uncontrollably. Then I went outside and within five steps I’m sweating and overheating. Not good. Fortunately, some of these symptoms have dissipated since the start of the day. I haven’t vomited in a while or had anything to shit out since I have eaten nothing today. In the event that I do have an intestinal bug, the strategy is starvation. The bug will die if there is no food to eat. It usually takes 48 hours of fasting to accomplish this. That’s what I’m in store for. 

Couple that with an unprecedented level of physical activity and you have my current plight all neatly summed up. I am running on fumes today, but I have still logged 12,000 steps and there will be a few thousand more added on for good measure. I’m in another competition on Fitbit. I just owned the 1 day step goal challenge with 13,756 out of a needed 10,000. I was atop the leaderboard again. This physical thing has indeed been very rewarding, but I am feeling some wear-and-tear on my body and energy level. I’m not replenishing my daily fuel, I’m just burning what little I have available and then hitting the reserve tanks, hard. Eventually those tanks will be empty too and then I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. I can’t function on no energy. It’s just the truth. Burning reserve fat is a good source, but fat energy is less efficient as consumed calories. Plus it takes 1,000 years to make a significant dent in body fat without going exercise apeshit (a point I don’t think I will be arriving st anytime soon). I think once I fully acclimate to this new physical life, things will stabilize. Haven’t lost any weight though, in fact, I put on two pounds. 

I need to talk to Margaret for verification that nothing psychosomatic is happening to me because of my mental health. I don’t think that I’m expressing my poisonous thoughts on my body, but perspective is always helpful. Anxiety has been torturing me lately, pushing me to the brink of panic attacks multiple times a night. I emailed her per Carly’s suggestion and hopefully I can talk to her this weekend and we can figure some of this shit out. 

Right now my body is not a great place to be. I need rest, above all else. Time will have me feeling better in not too long. Things like this feeling come and go. Perseverance, patience, and everything will be fine. 

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