I was off my feet today for the most part because, holy shit, I needed a break. Work, social and physical realms have all been costing a great deal of energy. It’s up to me to manage that better, but sometimes I just need a day to recover. I’m still with the bug so I’m back to a nearly liquid diet. My point being, the energy level is already low not to mention the side-effects of a restricted diet. So I’m taking this time to recharge my batteries and gather my strength for the week ahead. I will get past the bug in the next few days I believe and that should help. Mainly though, I want to just take it easy while also being responsible for my shit. Relaxation does not take ultimate priority.
I watched science shows and did housework. I know, so fucking exciting!!!! I don’t need exciting right now I just need stable. Practicality affords me the strength to have a decent future because it keeps me from spending energy I can’t afford to. Sometimes I try to add too many things onto my life and I become crushed under the weight of it. I’ve been pretty good about not doing that lately though. Right now I feel pretty steady, but I recognize the difficulty involved at maintaining this level. It’s something I want to do because it is really hard. Hard things are great because I feel proud when I do them, and that builds me up inside.
Pride is important because it’s real and no one can take it from me. I really did do all those great things over the years, and I believe they have made me a better man than I was. So too have my mistakes, but indirectly. I know life is difficult, but that’s the way it is. I intend to face it head-on.
Tonight the confidence battery is also recharging. I’m pumping good thoughts through my brain and I’m headed to bed in the right frame of mind. I hope sleep takes you as peacefully as I will be.