It has been a while since I wrote directly about Carly. To be honest, my feelings in this area are a tad turbulent because of the unstable footing I find my self on. We are holding in a pattern of intimate friendship, but I feel like our bond is weakening even as my feelings for her grow stronger. I enjoy spending time with her, whether we are just chatting or if we are actually together. I know that, especially lately, her time is highly limited. I am doing the best I can to maintain a healthy interaction with her going forward but it has been hard.
I see the road we are on, but I don’t know where it leads. This has caused me to be nervous that I could just as easily be cut loose as I could be asked to stay on board. I have started reaching out to other women on Match, but my heart really isn’t in it. I still have feelings for Carly, but I don’t know if she will ever be ready to date me. I can’t put all my eggs in one basket. As a responsible adult, I mist keep my options open in case Carly finds someone she would rather try to date.
It’s an interesting time blog. I have a lot of feelings that would very much like a stable place to grow, but can’t be afforded one yet. I am not going to date anyone else while I am seeing Carly with an intimate component to out relationship. In my mind, I’m still dedicated to giving her the first shot. The opportunity to be my partner will run out eventually, and if no progress has been made, then I will disconnect from Carly physically and just try being her platonic friend. I can’t wait around forever, but I can hang on a long time.
I only hope I get the proper respect I deserve in this situation, as a proud man who deserves adoration and attention. I will not be happy until I have found that. Hopefully my ongoing enthusiasm for Carly and the life she and I could live together continues to grow and build strength. I want to try and make something with her, but I need her to be ready for that at some point. We will just have to wait and see.