Pointed Up

I can say that my mood is significantly better today than yesterday. The depression slump will not last, in fact, the evaporation process is already well underway. My mood is improved; I have laughed out loud several times already this morning, something I do not think I could do at all yesterday. My energy level is also a little higher. I’m planning on giving the studio a deep clean today and tomorrow, and take some responsibility for my space.

I know these cycles happen, where I go up for a little bit (around the time I started in with my Fitbit), but eventually end up in a trough feeling really sad and miserable. That transitions into a steady uphill climb out of the darkness and back in the place where reason and accountability thrive. I have a lot I need to work on still; sometimes the weight of it can crush me down into hamburger meat. I always find a way to muster the strength to pick it back up again and hold the weight of my life as it should be. It’s easily the hardest thing I have ever tried to do.

So I do get depressed from time to time. I have to cope with that with the tools I have at my disposal as a mart of my mindfulness. I did meditate a lot at night when my anxieties were really going apeshit. But I couldn’t pick myself back up, I just didn’t feel good about anything yesterday. Not even the fun distractions that always make me happy. I look back on where I was 24 hours ago and the difference is stark. If the depression goes on in that deep trough for more than 3 days, that’s when I go the EAP and start reading. I would also trigger calls to both therapist and psychiatrist. I don’t fuck around when we go more than 3 days. The status quo can deteriorate rapidly with bipolar depression. Within days I could be at hopeless rock-bottom. I don’t want to end up like that again.

Today is a better day, and another chance to learn from a depressed cycle and come out more prepared for the next one. As the days go on, I’m willing to try to overcome the challenges my life deals me and take something of value from my failures. This attitude will lead to improvement, not stagnation. That’s where I’m headed. Thanks for reading!

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