It has been a better day today than yesterday. I continue to make progress out of my low point a couple days prior. I’ve just started to become accustomed to going through a cycle like that every once and a while. It’s not fun, but it’s not the end.
I’ve decided to both work and earn my BA in english as a short-term future goal. Depression never let me finish college, and I did a lot of coursework at several divergent schools. I should do something with those units. I am beginning the process of gathering all my transcripts now and will continue to do so into next week. Once I have them all collected, I intend to at a school that can get me to where I need to be. I want to keep working, but just use my afterwork time more effectively. I know this might come at a huge energy cost, but I think this is something I can do.
I just want my life to have meaning. I feel detached from substance, living in a sort of mental purgatory. Part of this is my depression, but I do truly feel my life could be a lot more rich and complete. Maybe then I would feel really and truly happy. Maybe if I was able to salvage something good from my past I could go forward feeling rejuvenated about my new direction. This is something I never finished, and I want to finish it.
It’s an okay night.