I know it’s been a few days and I do regret that. I seem to handle things better the more often I check in. Lately, I have been getting used to my state being perpetually alone. I don’t see this as a negative thing in my mind, and in a way, I take my circumstance as a sign pointing towards the life I will lead. My forced solitude is a blessing, and that is the thing I have come to see clearly. What I need, is time with myself. I will be as strong as I have ever been because the love I have is for myself comes first. I want to be independent and proud, but not distant or aloof. I’m not closing the door on a relationship, I’m just not going to go out looking for one any more. Whatever happens is fine, as long as I can maintain my independence. I’m just not meant to be with anyone.
In short, I’m going to find some kind of happiness in my new way of living and that will be enough. I’ve just come to realize what is and isn’t possible anymore. It’s never been more clear. There is no going back.
I’m determined, and desperate. However, on a promising new heading. Here’s hoping I don’t have a catatonic meltdown in a few weeks.