How Much?

I’m debating with myself on how much time I need to be away from weed before I feel back in control. I hadn’t set a goal at this point, I just specified that I wasn’t going to do it. Now that I have put some thought into the question, I’m not clear on a timeframe. 

I think that if I can go for a month without it, I will have shown that my willpower is strong. After that, I would impose a schedule that must be adhered to. My initial thought was twice on weekdays, four times on weekends. Considering my previous level of use was 4-6 times on weekdays and more than 10 on weekends and off-days. The schedule has a twofold purpose: first to manage intake like any other med that I only use at certain points in the day, and to perpetuate a better reaction to the cannabis. The latter is based on tolerance. If I over use, the effect of an individual dose goes way down. If I abstain, I don’t build resistance to it as quickly. 

All of that is good to have thoughts on, but we are a long way from making it a reality. I need to prove to myself that I can stop and stay stopped for as long as I wish. I am in control, not weed. 

In the meantime, I have plenty to think about. Maybe this hiatus will provide me with some much needed clarity and resolve. Maybe it will be a struggle every day for as long as I choose to stay away from it. I don’t know what the outcome is. 

Freedom of expression might be the only thing keeping me sane right now.