I’m back at work again blog and kinda glad. The weekend and all that unstructured time left my thoughts to their negative devices. However, I still faced a similar problem after work today. I had another block of time and only a few ways to occupy it. I am pleased to report that I did not cave in to temptation and did not even have the urge. What I did feel was resolve. I know what I need to do to get healthy and I’m not going to let addictive tendencies derail that. 

I have begun talking to Amanda again, and this has been rewarding. I’d like to be a meaningful friend in her life. I have no intentions other than to have someone to talk to who knows me. She was a big part of my life the last two plus years and I’d be a fool to discount that. The feelings I had for her are different than they were, but there is still real emotion there, and love I would say. Love in a context that is not how it used to be. I realize that this might be dangerous territory, but I am not concerned. I know in my heart what I want out of my life and I know what things will help me realize that. Just like Carly and I have professed to be “more than friends,” so too will a similar dynamic exist here. 

Things are happening in my world. I’m going to be an uncle soon. I’m will be headed out on long family vacations in the coming months. Tahoe in July, then Sacramento in August for my nephew’s arrival. I already bought him a unijammy (as I call them) because it’s the finest piece of baby apparel a budding man-cub can own. 

People are noticing how much weight I’ve lost. 22.8 pounds as of my last check in over the weekend. My work dress slacks don’t fit anymore… or at least, not without a belt. My wardrobe comes from a time where I weighed 285, about five years ago. I weigh 196.8 right now, the slimmest I have been since high school. How? Eating a minimal amount of food and exercising vigorously multiple times per day. I average 5 – 7 miles in my 8 hour shift. Or roughly 10,000 to 14,000 steps. I ingest significantly fewer calories than I take in, and the results are profound. Is it the most healthy way to go about it? No. Then again, my body has been used to eating 1 meal a day for the last 7 years. I’m acclimated. My metabolism is burning fat to fuel the fires and I continue to build muscle in my legs and increase my oxygen intake efficiency ( went from VO2 of 33.8 to 44 in two months). I think things are going perfectly right now. 

This week the motivation is solely on me. I have no step competition to rally to. I have no goal, other than to get a solid mile or more in every two hours and work up a heavy sweat. So what if I’m sweaty at work? Most of the people there are fat and lazy. I’m the only one determined to lose weight and look fit. It’s a litany of bad role models, junk food and beer bellies. Not my crowd, and boy do I stand out. 

Ultimately, I’m proud of where I am. I worked my ass off to get mentally healthy and now physically too. I’m not going to stop until I’m at my ideal weight, and stable in my mind. It’s up to me to hold the line and perpetuate my healthy behaviors. I believe in myself, and I know I can do this. I’m not smoking, I’m perpetuating good behaviors.