So I decided to ask to see if Jax would talk to me before I go far away. It’s been years. Basically, the thought of leaving and probably not ever seeing her again has weighed on me. In fact, I have become increasingly conflicted the more I explore this thought-chain. I still have love in my heart for her, maybe the strongest I ever had in all my life. So much so that the echoes of it are still strong. I am leaving, and I need to say goodbye, from my heart. We have probably changed a lot since we last talked, but I still remember all the things I love about her. I hope she has some of those for me, and maybe that is enough between us to walk out on to the bridge this last time.
The likely alternative is that she is gone, and will not respond, and I will not see her again. Something inside me has still not let her go. She is still a part of me, and a little thread still connects us. I wish I had done things differently, yes, that is true. However, all I have left is the time still to go in front of me. I want the Jax place in my heart to have a resolution, and not feel like a partially ajar door as we zoom down the freeway.
Well, I hope I get to say goodbye. As I said earlier, I never loved anyone as much as I loved her. She lit a fire in me that still burns today. I wish I could thank her, but I probably won’t get the chance.