Reconciling Goods and Bads

I have been feeling back in the groove creatively, and that is most welcome. In truth, I am at a place of development with my fiction than I ever thought I could be. I have the text outlined, the chapters mostly drawn up, and the first 5 are written. The style I am going to use is really unique: both prose fiction and epistolary style for the narrative structure, which will present some really poignant insights into different locales around the Kingdom.

As this has been going for a while, so too had my hope of rekindling a friendship with Jax. When she and I set out to write Ruptured Worlds, I thought we were on the verge of something that would bind us together. Turns out, a few days later I tried to kill myself, and Jax cheated on me while I was in the psychiatric hospital. Guess I was wrong that first time, and again just now when Jax let me know I was the worst thing ever and that I should go away.

Now I know this road will be mine to walk alone, without the orgasmic genius of combining two realities into one twisted story. That thought is so awesome… what a fantastic thing to do with someone you love. This was my thought. However, now I must lean on my own skills and the story I have crafted, and hope that carries me to a successful place. I don’t plan on making money off the books; they should be free for anyone to enjoy.

When my cases are settled, and the money is in the bank, I will be pursuing my career as a Peer Support Specialist and also writing my masterpiece. One day, I will be done, and looking back on this chance with my ex with laughter. She missed out on a rad-ass gravy train, I can promise you that. I am a hedonist, and I do enjoy the getting of fucked up. I also enjoy my life, which has largely been without her. I have hurt feelings, yes, after having been so soundly rejected. I’m not the person she thinks I am, and her reaction was like: “are you really talking to me?”

Petty.

Anyway, I’m trying to process, and stepping forward. I am proud of who I am now and encouraged further by who I am becoming. Maybe I will meet a peer someday,who I can love and respect. Probably not.

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