Today they mocked me openly, even 4 of them boiling AROUND MY LURE, not biting it, just ignoring it, avoiding it even. Those saucy fucks. I’m pissed now.

There are big bass in there, because one came right out of the water in front of me. Hi there HOOMAN, just try to catch this!

Okay, so I’m determined now. I see the direction I need to go, and I think I can catch a fish TODAY. Yeah, that’s right, TODAY. I’m done playing marshmallow fun softball. Time to catch a fucking fish.

I’m INVENTING a new rig to try and appeal to the needs of my constituents. They are micro small feeding off tiny gnats and mosquitos, so I need to get light and small. I’m going topwater plastics. All you anglers out there are like: Um, what did you just say? No seriously, I need something that is going to float or nearly float, is small, light, colorful and capable of being giggled and vibrated. I need to become a bug. I’m in the bug’s head right now, flying around, thinking about bug things, and then WHAMO, dead. See people, this is some serious shit. I’m not fucking the monkey squirrel in the ass anymore, I’m all dressed up and going to prom.

I hope today is the day I conquer the trench of unspeakable stubbornness. I need a victory after 6 -8 uneventful visits to the muck pit.