Sigh

The parents are at it again with their absolutely dysfunctional way of communicating with each other. They snap, yell, assume, judge, you know, all the things you should avoid doing. They also never ask for clarity, or a moment to pause, or anything like that. They inflate, expand, and explode. Over and over again.

I’ve failed to instill any communication skills in them at all. It’s because I’m not an expert at anything in their eyes. I’m still just their son. I’m not an adult who lives with them, I’m a kid who needs to be told what to do so he doesn’t fuck up. I’ve had my fair share of conversations with them about treating me and each other with respect, and they don’t get it. Not one teeny tiny bit.

So, as a healthy communicator, I’m in an environment where my skills can’t be utilized or even practiced. It wasn’t until I found ******* again that I’ve finally had someone I could effectively communicate with. Boy was that refreshing to talk to someone who could reflect, understand and be a safe place to reveal trauma. I can’t do that here. No one in this house has even the slightest idea what to do in a crisis.

This is one of many posts that leads me to want to remove myself from this living arrangement eventually. I still love my parents, but they’re basically a lost cause at this point. I can’t learn anything from them in regards to good mental health behaviors. Moo seems to have largely just slipped back to not caring about anything and doing what she wants. I’ve been poking her to motivate but she’s resistant. She listens to no one but herself.

Parental relationships can be complex, and even though they’ve been married for a long ass time, they are still not in a healthy relationship. Not by a long shot. Nevertheless, I will still try to be the bastion of hope on this battlefield. I’ll never stop loving them or trying to convert them to functional communications, even if I know they will never change. Dedication is something that doesn’t stop.

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