Hi there blog. It has not been long since I last checked in. As I was out walking around in the warm sunlight, I had a chance to reflect on some things that happened this afternoon.
I’m feeling judged by ***, in respect to my inner strength, vibrancy and determination. If you look back over the 6 years I’ve had this blog, you will see failure, disaster, suicide, absolution and eventually, recovery. Struggling is one thing. To face a challenge, grapple with it and overcome it defines the journey I have been on in the last half decade of my life.
I have triumphed over self inflicted, attempted death, twice. That takes strength blog. I have suffered the deepest prolonged heartache I have ever known, and came out the other side even more proud of who I am. Judge me if you want, but it doesn’t matter if you don’t have the education to presume.
**** went into unwanted judgement town earlier today, and it got me thinking. The measure of strength is in the ability to overcome a challenge, and advance beyond it. If one does not advance, the challenge remains. Victories over calamity are the building blocks of strength, and I have survived dozens of disasters and am stronger for it.
Sorry if I’m ranting, but no one puts me in a box and tells me I couldn’t get out of it ever even if I tried. I don’t care who you are, if you knew me, you’d never say such a thing. It’s very disrespectful of my life and death struggle and the constant stigma a bear. I can’t have sex with a woman again without infecting her with a lifelong disease. Do you think that burden weighs on me? Do you believe it takes strength to still be proud and alive despite that?
I have earned my place in this world and I have wasted no time comparing myself uselessly to others. My life has meaning for me, and that’s all that matters. People in my orbit now appreciate me for my strength and stability, and know what I am capable of doing and have done.
I never pass uneducated judgement on anyone anymore. Period. Judgement or comparison serve no purpose in advancing a complex discourse. I intend on having my conversations on a level more apt to someone of advanced education, incredible wit and astounding emotional sensitivity. All told, I’m a fantastic man capable of forging whatever life I want. At any time. This is the life I lead, and I will never be compared it belittled by anyone on the outside.