I had 3 hours of sleep, and my day started at 11:30 last night. Not the greatest, needless to say. I did, however, make something productive of my day despite this crap in the beginning. I also decided I am not going to talk to *** anymore. I need good role models in my life so that I can bounce my good communication skills off able and willing participants. My philosophy has been about enrichment, and ***** wasn’t enriching anything. I made the choice to cut her out after being ignored again for a day. Moving forward.
I had a good chat with Will about all this and we pretty much have the same understanding of things. However, Will can be known to subject himself to crap for closeness, which was, for a long time, my trap too. It helped greatly when I decided to be fully, unconditionally independent and not pursue a relationship with a woman. My terms for for friendship also became pretty serious, and my evaluative concepts were realistically solidified. In light of those exacting standards, I make decisions for the consistency and stability of my environment and perturbations that can be avoided, should be.
I don’t feel great in my body, it aches and I’m insanely tired. I can’t go to sleep for at least 3 more hours, and I really need to not drink anything at all before or during sleep. As soon as I have to go pee, the awake brain happens and I’m fucked. I was so fucking mad last night I couldn’t believe what was going down in my head. Completely fucking insufferable rolling around not sleeping for 4 hours. Jesus fuck titty, can I please have a decent night’s sleep tonight?