Hey there. I’m having an introspective evening listening to my head-council. My thoughts go between the feeling of loneliness and the solidarity of my forward resolve for my future. I can be of these two minds, while not being shredded in the process (barely). It is contentious: “wait, no THIS is what you need.” “What are you a fucking idiot? Clearly you need THIS not THAT.” Ugh. If you had to put up with this debate going on and on you’d write about it too.
I don’t even know why we’re having this argument on the chamber floor in the first place. The facts have proven out (especially of late), and one choice of path is fundamentally untenable. Just like the people associated with that choice. The whole thing is marked for collapse.
I’m scared of being alone. I don’t really like it as much as I like being loved and understood. Being embraced by a workplace is pretty key to my forward progress, but not as fulfilling. Something about love that makes it special is that it’s the key to several doors that would otherwise be closed.
Yet, with my baggage, the chance of finding a tolerant participant is very close to zero. There’s a large stack of shit to be fully repulsed by, often times too grotesque and fathomless to be overcome by other, positive attributes. The lot, in and of itself.
The dichotomy continues as no one up there has a fucking clue about the right path but they keep on yammering like they do. Maybe tomorrow they’ll be quiet. They need time to just yell, then maybe around 1-3 AM they’ll start formatting some legislation for the rest of the chamber to vote on. I await that result when I’m back in front of the council tomorrow. Goodnight Blog.