Today was one of the better that I’ve had recently. I was active, productive and further entrenching my relevance in the workplace.
Tonight though, I’m still a little sad. I played a lot of music that brought me back. I do miss them, and their love, but the time for that has passed. I am what I have earned. I carry the weight of my decisions, every day. There are just some moral boundaries I will never cross, so no guilt or need of repentance is shielded from plain sight.
There is no point in struggling over the past, and the tendrils of regret slithering their way through it. Nothing can be resolved. Never. Wounds that don’t fester, but stay open and fresh, reminding. That is my quandary.
I have already said goodbye to them. There is no more to be done but turn away and walk into a new yet distant narrative.
Expectations should be realistic, and therefore, achievable. There is a big cookie of satisfaction for those who meet their target. I have on multiple occasions enjoyed that glorious victory cookie, but have also dropped it into the cat litterbox more than once. Goals should be achievable, not powder puff nor Mount Everest.
I feel relevant. Involved. I’m not fading away in shame, I’m thriving in the only reality I know.
12. We will never give up hope.