Howdy there Blog. It has been a while since I was able to sit here long enough to have a complete thought. My prolonged absence is a sign of what I have been struggling with: bad behaviors. Neglectfulness.
I know I have been, for some time, coping with my mental health in a destructive way by abusing easy-to-get self-meditative solutions. I had become stagnant in my routine and compensated for the idleness of depression through indulgence of pleasurable things. Now I’m back to being annoyingly and uncomfortably overweight and in a hole I had been so good about liberating myself from in the recent past. I have not been idly failing, but actively so; eyes well trained on my doom. I noticed my destructive tendencies a few days ago, and instead of ignoring them, postulated a response.
Tonight is when I realized I had started to turn the thing around. First objective was to get back the lost cardiovascular health established prior to prevailing gluttonous, vacuum-like consumption. I silence urges more often than acknowledge them now, and have a rational consequence to apply to conceived, impulsive decisions. I made a cognitive-behavioral change, and what better a place to reveal as much but at one of my Connection groups tonight.
At the group, I thought about my future and of the potential of the Connection program. People I met at outreach came to the meetings, and people I had been emailing with. My promptness conveyed competency and so did my words during the group. I saw how even though I had been making bad choices, I was still turning it around slowly with new behaviors. The stagnation would not prevail!
I’m going to be facilitating one of my own support groups coming up this week on Halloween, for the first time ever. I used to be more anxious about the prospect of leading a group, but now, there is a calm which has established normalcy. The stakes are not perilous. The cost of failure is not decapitation. My facilitation responsibilities are now viewed in a context of excitement rather than anxiety. My thoughts, changed with intentional reconsideration.
Well, isn’t it fitting that these Recovery groups constantly promote introspection; just the thing I needed for recognition of my course correction? I thought it fitting that a tool well-used in the toolkits is still just as effective as the shiny ones. Have good all. I’m going to bed, but to the official office in the morning. Yay!
Clearly this sort of activity truly excludes me from my peer group as most people my age hate all the crap I listen to. This is a good filter though, as this portrait is a fairly good rendering of myself in music. Though, the aspects I chose to depict, and how I chose to express them, is a matter of some debate. Nonetheless, the album is here and it is full of contrasts and apt comparisons. I highly recommend giving it a listen if you are old and h really have nothing better you could be dong. I find this type of thing puts me back in touch with my traits and memories of varying emotional gravity. I highly recommend toiling in this way. The act of pairing oneself to aspects of music seems inherently like it’s at least exploration and quite possibly transformative.
- Impression A – What A Fool Believes – Michael McDonald
- Impression B – Pork Parts – Ensemble Studios
- Charismatic – The Power Of Love – Huey Lewis and the News
- Mentally Ill – (Sic) – Slipknot
- Naïveté – You’re The Inspiration – Chicago
- Carnal – Wild Sex (In The Working Class) – Oingo Boingo
- Introspective – Man In The Mirror – Michael Jackson
- “Old Soul” – Tomorrow – Joe Walsh
- Immolative – Regular People (Conceit) – Pantera
- Detached – Hey Nineteen – Steely Dan
- Curious – On The Road To Find Out – Cat Stevens
- Adaptive – I’m Still Standing – Elton John
- Original – Still Alive – GLaDOS & johnathan Coulton
- Regretful – The Other Guy – Little River Band
- Hopeful – The Voice – The Moody Blues
- Resilient – Waves – Blondfire
- Obscure – Flavor Cats (In The Comfort Zone) – Ensamble Studios
- Unsatisfied – No One Like You – Scorpions
I filled out this silly character sheet like thing way back in the beginning (2012). Perceptions have changed a bit since then, needless to say. The original can be found here for comparison.
- Called: W. Eric Bailey
- Height: 6′ 2″ (I didn’t shrink)
- Weight: 235 lbs
- Demeanor: Proactive buddy-pal
- Character: Desirous intoxicant
- Self-Image: Large, well organized Ant farm
- Attributes (5): optimistic, persistent, rational, adaptable, archaic
- Nature: Curmudgeon
- Abilities (2): technologically savvy, personable relatability
- Human vs. Animal Ratio?: Human 88% Animal 12%
- Fight or Flight?: Flight
- Brawn or Brains?: Brains
- Truth or Dare?: Truth
- Sky or Horizon?: Horizon
- Introverted or Extroverted?: Extroverted!!
- Night or Day?: Day
- Red or Blue?: Red
- Yellow or Green?: Yellow
- Risk or Reserved?: Reserved
- Lies or Honesty?: Really?
- Who you are now?: Dwanglebleeg L. Magoobriuston
- Who you want to be?: An artichoke named Susan
- What is the best part of you?: I can translate for the cat
- What is your biggest flaw?: splat-like eagerness
- What drives you?: The promise of tomorrow
- What inspires you?: True understanding
- What is your conscience like?: Chuck Norris on one shoulder and Joni Mitchell on the other
- Who were you?: Not a friend of self
- What do others see in you?: Whatever I show them
- What do you see in yourself?: someone who has “been weighed, measured and found wanting.”
1. TV was received from the air with an antenna on a 30 foot long pole?
2. There was no internet?
3. A cell phone was the only thing you could put in your pocket, and the antenna still stuck out a bit?
4. When A CD player was as big as a microwave and jukebox shuffled them around between tracks?
5. Music was good?
6. Kids went outside and played in the dirt and had a great fucking time?
7. There was ice year-round on the North Pole?
8. There wasn’t an area the size of Texas in the Pacific Ocean known as the Great Garbage Patch?
9. Things weren’t so fucking nuts?
10. There were only 25 people waiting an hour early out front of the DMV, instead of 250?